Run down the Aisle

I have been listening to this song lately. It's a bit bold. It's a bit shocking. But it's beautiful. 

I first heard this song on a mission trip in high school and it has stuck with me ever sense. At one point in college the chorus was my alarm so that I would start my day remembering my process of redemption. My roommate was slightly concerned until I showed her the whole song. 

This picture of a wedding and a marriage relationship is not one I can fully engage at this point in my life, but it is one that I can understand to a small extent with my parents and friends relationships and weddings I have attended and/or been apart of.

One thing I have been learning/realizing/hearing lately is that as I am jealous for the past, present, and future affections of Phillip while we are only dating, how much more is God jealous for mine when he pursues me with a love that is realized in a covenant and commitment similar to that of a marriage. 

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This verse cuts to the core of my struggles, wanderings and distractions: 

"So could you love this bastard child

Though I don’t trust you to provideWith one hand in a pot of goldAnd with the other in your side

'Cause I am so easily satisfiedBy the call of lovers so less wildThat I would take a little cash

Over your very flesh and blood"

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When I cannot see the end result, I have trouble trusting the process, so I wander. I look for immediacy. I want solutions now. 

By wandering, doubting, and denying his promises, how much am I causing my God grief? 

At what point do I set aside my anxiety and worry and take on a posture of trust?

When will I be able to claim the promises and character of God with such fierce strength that I will have faith like Abraham in Genesis 22?

Will I always be distracted by the shiny gleam of gold that I take my hand out of God's?

This is a process of pausing to remember God's goodness and faithfulness and then running down the aisle to him.

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In other news, I also struggle with perfection. 

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If you could love me as a wifeAnd for my wedding gift your lifeShould that be all I’ll ever needOr is there more I’m looking for

And should I read between the linesAnd look for blessings in disguiseTo make me handsome, rich and wiseIs that really what you want

'Cause I am a whore, I do confessI put you on just like a wedding dressAnd I run down the aisleI run down the aisle

Or I’m a prodigal with no way homeI put you on just like a ring of goldAnd I run down the aisleI run down the aisle to you

So could you love this bastard childThough I don’t trust you to provideWith one hand in a pot of goldAnd with the other in your side

'Cause I am so easily satisfiedBy the call of lovers so less wildThat I would take a little cashOver your very flesh and blood

'Cause I am a whore, I do confessBut I put you on just like a wedding dressAnd I run down the aisleI run down the aisle

Or I’m a prodigal with no way homeBut I put you on just like a ring of goldAnd I run down the aisleI run down the aisle to you

Because money cannot buyA husband’s jealous eyeWhen you have knowingly deceived his wife

So I am a whore, I do confessBut I put you on just like a wedding dressAnd I run down the aisleI run down the aisle

Or I’m a prodigal with no way homeI put you on just like a ring of goldAnd I run down the aisleI run down the aisle

Or I am a whore, I do confessBut I put you on just like a wedding dressAnd I run down the aisleI run down the aisle

Or I’m a prodigal with no way homeI put you on just like a ring of goldAnd I run down the aisleI run down the aisle to youTo you