Metaphorical Jet Lag

I'm in a terminal with a ticket to Boston. A flight for New York just left and a flight to Seattle is currently boarding. I have flown to all these places over the past year. The least familiar being Boston and yet that is my holiday destination.

I am flying to people I care about. But I also just left people, and a particular person, I care about.

Other than the fact that this terminal is freezing so I am wrapped in my sweater blanket (not to be confused with a slanket), it doesn't feel like winter, Christmas or the end of the year.

Maybe it doesn't feel like winter because the California sun is heating up my A/C withholding car. Maybe it doesn't feel like Christmas because I'm not flying to Seattle. Maybe it doesn't feel like the end of the year because there are so many new things and beginnings happening.

There is a part of me that feels like I am missing the holiday season. I thought I was prepared to enjoy this time of year, only to wake up 7 days before Christmas with an inbox full of online shopping shipping notifications, efile packages to review and a list of people I need to meet. I am tired.

I feel beaten and bruised. I feel inadequate, incapable, and insecure at times. Constant criticism has taken a toll and I question my ability to do anything right.

But then I read a letter that does nothing but remind me of God's goodness and faithfulness.

Good.

The simplicity of the word is profound. God called all that he created good. His intention for the world was good. Pure and simple. Good.

Good is the only way to describe this season. It is good to experience joy. It is good to have hard conversations. It is good to sit in an incomplete process. It is good to remember the inauguration of hope that is December 25th.

While I am not working for the next month I am still moving at the rapid pace of a can-can dancer taking shots of red bull.

I feel all over the place, sometimes overwhelmed, sometimes ecstatic of the upcoming opportunities.

But there are areas that I need to take a step back from. To re-evaluate my attitude. To reset.

So my mind is jet-lagged. Not sure which emotion to embrace. Not sure which circumstance to camp on. But I don't think I need to choose. All are valid and all deserve thought and consideration.

So here is yet another blog post from an airport. But there is nothing to do in terminals but think. And this time of thought and contemplation is good.

marks, scars, and memoires

nursery rhymes lied to me.

"Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but Words can never harm me." - Said no one EVER

 words are heavy. and i don't think people realize that. 

the constant barrage of negative words creates an anti-body to the refreshing of positive words. its backwards. and I don't like it. 

i'm not talking about negative/positive life force energy ideology, or the popular phrase of "sending positive thoughts" 

no, i'm talking about straight up comments like "you are lame" vs. "you are incredible." 

i know two people. 

one builds me up. 

one tears me down. 

at times, the tearing is so deep 

that the building is hard to receive 

and accept as truth. 

it hurts to be damaged by words. they scar. 

BUT

it is rejuvenating to be blessed by words. they heal. 

stop criticizing. start complimenting. stop terrorizing. start treating.

stop abusing. start adoring.

please.

Permission or Forgiveness...

Dear Dad,

I would like to pre-apologize for any Holiday Shenanigans that will go down. Let's be honest. If your church organized a bonfire for Thanksgiving, I have high hopes for what possibilities a Christmas Eve candle lighting service holds. 

I'm sorry I'm not sorry for "antiquing" church bulletins. 

Sincerely,

A daughter who hopes to remain absent from sermon illustrations. 

***

Dear Brother,

I'm super excited to see you and hang out during the Christmas break we will spend on the other side of the country.It's been a while since the last midnight showing or sporting event craving. Please don't break the sled this time.

I'm sorry I'm not sorry for making you drive 12 hours to go to a football game once. 

Sincerely, 

Your sister who lives around the corner from you.

***

Dear Mom,

You promised me a White Christmas. If I have to fly 6 hours instead of 3, I hope this means more than white chocolate covered Oreos. Although, I will gladly accept those as well.

I'm sorry I'm not sorry for blocking your car in the driveway with a Calvin and Hobbes-esque Snowman tragedy. 

Sincerely,

A daughter who communicates love in weird ways.

***

Dear Sister,

Let's trade internationally purchased scarves. You dress so well. 

I'm sorry I'm not sorry I stole you clothes.

Sincerely, 

The sister who misses her extra closet and the person to whom it belongs.

***

Dear Cat,

Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow! 

I'm sorry I'm not sorry for kicking your furry little tail out of my bed. 

Sincerely, 

The owner that needs earplugs to sleep because you purr so loud.

***

Massachusetts be ready for this fire storm.