Didn't see that one coming...

There are two conversations that I had in the last few months that are now blinding irony to my current stage in life.

Conversation #1: I was talking to a friend about how I was desiring more out of life; more excitement, more adventure. Settling into my second year of work made me realize how much I was used to annual changes. School and classes changed every 6 months. As an RA, my staff and residents changed each year. I moved living arrangements every May and August. I may be weary of constant revolving change, but the annual shake up was something that I had become used to and without it, I was feeling a little on the apathetic side of life.

Conversation #2: Another friend asked me, now that summer busy season is over, will work slow down...

Current Stage of Life:

I bought my first car!

I passed my CPA Exam!

I am doing an extended rotation in New York for work, starting in a week!!

I am going to Israel in January!

I feel like this is a stage of life where God is asking me repeatedly, "Do you know me well enough to trust me?" It is easy to say yes when I have just bought a new car, passed my CPA exam, have a great job and wonderfully caring friends. It is not easy to roll that answer off my tongue when I am living in a new city, by myself, with the only frame of reference being crime dramas such as Law and Order, or CSI: NY...So while New York excites me, it also terrifies me.

It excites me because it is new and ready to be discovered. It terrifies me because it is new and unknown. It excites me because it is an opportunity to meet colleagues from different offices and make new friends. It terrifies me because it is a long time away from my friends and my Life Group (bible study group) who know me and understand me.

Israel doesn't make this question any easier either. Typical mission trips are comfortable for me. Going and doing. Bringing some tangible value. That is easy to focus on and plan for. But being put in a situation where my ignorance, misunderstanding, and prejudices are exposed? That is uncomfortable. That is difficult for someone like me who thrives on being right and being the best.

Actually, let me clarify, it is easy to answer this question of trusting. It is hard to live your answer. Which is why I am choosing to enter this stage of life. I am tired of sitting back in fear of "what ifs" and comfort of routine.

I'm not ready. Nowhere close. No one is ready to get their butts kicked in humility and trust. But I would rather have a faith that is thriving than one that is atrophying and dying.