Are you ever terrified?

 

Are you ever terrified

That your fears are unique to your inside?

That if you were to utter just one breath

To reveal that you are out of your depth

The labels would manifest:

     Bitter

     Ungrateful

     Ruinous

     Depressed

     Emotional

     Neurotic

The first letter burned to your chest

Have you ever been told to be mesmerized

That through someone else’s eyes

Your life is golden?

So you must be emboldened

To keep up the façade

Of a first world demi-god

You are not allowed to express that you suffer

Because you have a safety net Obama-care buffer

Have you ever felt obligated to say and do and feel

And the only solution that you can see is to steal?

Steal words from another

Steal time from each other

Steal emotions from an  acoustic band cover

Have you solely focused on

Not doing the motions wrong

That even your outlet of creativity

Has suffered severe atrophy?

Have you even been so afraid

Of being wrong

Of sounding dumb

Of having your perfect persona jeopardized

That you are now paralyzed?

Have you even been excited that you were doing everything right

But then in your impatient plight

You convince yourself to take just one small bite?

Since who really believes that the tortoise and the hare were even a fair fight

Have you even been afraid that life will pass you by

While you sit behind the stained glass window of responsibility,

That you are not living a life that is sexy?

After all, few should use their 401(k)s to buy a bikini when they are sixty

Have you ever been so burned out on hard work

That you are terrified you chose wrong?

You chose the wrong friends

The wrong significant other

The wrong career

The wrong duvet cover

Have you ever feared what people would say if they knew your fears?

When the fire has burned you to your core

And left you with nothing more

Than your worst

When your confidence is shattered

And your hiding veil is tattered

When it takes all your energy to make sure the next words out of your mouth are not to make something cursed.

When you are driven to anger by things that were never said

When the fight is all in your head

When you are left alone with your fears that tango through your thoughts

And haunt your every step, action, decision

And leave you doubting any past provision

Do you fear that your community would never embrace you

That they would shame you and say

“get it together” and then walk away?

Are you ever terrified

That your fears are unique to your inside?

That your fears will burn and brand you

To the point where people can’t stand you

Because your cloud of fear will darken their day

And you will be a thorn in their way?

Yea, me too. Me too. 

*I am intrigued by the comfort people find in sharing secrets anonymously on sites like PostSecret. But I am also captivated by the power that comes from sharing fears and being known within a community and experiencing that community meet your needs. Nevertheless, however many times I have seen or experienced a community rise up, I have to overcome this fear of being a burden. Ever. Single. Time.

There is such strength and bravery in the words "Me too".