Run down the Aisle

I have been listening to this song lately. It's a bit bold. It's a bit shocking. But it's beautiful. 

I first heard this song on a mission trip in high school and it has stuck with me ever sense. At one point in college the chorus was my alarm so that I would start my day remembering my process of redemption. My roommate was slightly concerned until I showed her the whole song. 

This picture of a wedding and a marriage relationship is not one I can fully engage at this point in my life, but it is one that I can understand to a small extent with my parents and friends relationships and weddings I have attended and/or been apart of.

One thing I have been learning/realizing/hearing lately is that as I am jealous for the past, present, and future affections of Phillip while we are only dating, how much more is God jealous for mine when he pursues me with a love that is realized in a covenant and commitment similar to that of a marriage. 

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This verse cuts to the core of my struggles, wanderings and distractions: 

"So could you love this bastard child

Though I don’t trust you to provideWith one hand in a pot of goldAnd with the other in your side

'Cause I am so easily satisfiedBy the call of lovers so less wildThat I would take a little cash

Over your very flesh and blood"

**

When I cannot see the end result, I have trouble trusting the process, so I wander. I look for immediacy. I want solutions now. 

By wandering, doubting, and denying his promises, how much am I causing my God grief? 

At what point do I set aside my anxiety and worry and take on a posture of trust?

When will I be able to claim the promises and character of God with such fierce strength that I will have faith like Abraham in Genesis 22?

Will I always be distracted by the shiny gleam of gold that I take my hand out of God's?

This is a process of pausing to remember God's goodness and faithfulness and then running down the aisle to him.

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In other news, I also struggle with perfection. 

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If you could love me as a wifeAnd for my wedding gift your lifeShould that be all I’ll ever needOr is there more I’m looking for

And should I read between the linesAnd look for blessings in disguiseTo make me handsome, rich and wiseIs that really what you want

'Cause I am a whore, I do confessI put you on just like a wedding dressAnd I run down the aisleI run down the aisle

Or I’m a prodigal with no way homeI put you on just like a ring of goldAnd I run down the aisleI run down the aisle to you

So could you love this bastard childThough I don’t trust you to provideWith one hand in a pot of goldAnd with the other in your side

'Cause I am so easily satisfiedBy the call of lovers so less wildThat I would take a little cashOver your very flesh and blood

'Cause I am a whore, I do confessBut I put you on just like a wedding dressAnd I run down the aisleI run down the aisle

Or I’m a prodigal with no way homeBut I put you on just like a ring of goldAnd I run down the aisleI run down the aisle to you

Because money cannot buyA husband’s jealous eyeWhen you have knowingly deceived his wife

So I am a whore, I do confessBut I put you on just like a wedding dressAnd I run down the aisleI run down the aisle

Or I’m a prodigal with no way homeI put you on just like a ring of goldAnd I run down the aisleI run down the aisle

Or I am a whore, I do confessBut I put you on just like a wedding dressAnd I run down the aisleI run down the aisle

Or I’m a prodigal with no way homeI put you on just like a ring of goldAnd I run down the aisleI run down the aisle to youTo you

Be King

Be King

Be King

In the midst of the night

Be King

Be king

Make it as day light

The tile floor could not be colder

As he cries out “Lord, let me hold her”

Be King

Be King

When I am scraped raw

Be King

Be King

When I can’t hide what they saw

I crave forgiveness and grace

And healing to dry this face

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You promised you would be faithful

You promised you would not be wasteful

You promised you would be near

You promised I should not fear

To need the King is not weakness

To need the King is not failing

To need the King is boldness

To need the King is unveiling

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Be King

Be King

When I cannot see

Be King

Be King

When I want to flee

The lies in my head tell me I am less than

I desperately need the safety of your wingspan

Be King

Be King

When I cry in the night

Be King

Be King

When I need the strength to fight

 Numbness and avoidance are sirens on the waves

Would it be wiser to take the road not yet paved?

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Remind me you don’t withhold

Remind me to be bold

Remind me you withstand

Remind me to make a fire fanned

Take that foothold

and claim it for your glory

Do not let him grasp

Any part of my story

Take this burden from me

And this thorn deep in my side

I relinquish my perfection

And surrender the battle of my pride

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Be King

Be King

Fill me with hope

Be King

Be King

Guide my steps on this rope

Be King

Be King

Give me new vision of eye

Be King

Be King

And let this old self die